Help Me
by hyacinthorectus
Summary: Retrospective view of Wheatley's experience in the GLaDOS chassis. What caused him to go all crazy with power?
1. Chapter 1

_**Help Me**_

_**Portal 2 One Shot [headcanon] Request**_

_**Khateley**_

_**Setting: Chapter 5: The Escape [Android Characters]**_

* * *

"Go press the button!" I urged the lady to do so in the distance. She's so close! _**We're**_ so close! So close to our freedom!

_**Beep.**_

YES! She pressed it! She pressed the bloody button! Haha! In your face maniac!

"Uhh..." I started to wonder as I shook in fear. "What if this hurts? What if this hurts?! Ahh... I didn't think of that..."

"Oh it will," came her cold mocking voice. "Believe me it will."

I froze as an uncertain grin spread on my face, "You're just saying that, aren't you. You're just... you're just that..." She did not reply. "No. You're not." I didn't know it would hurt! Why didn't anyone tell me it would hurt. Ahhh... Nonono. "Exactly how painful are we t-"

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Electricity flowed from the mainframe and flooded into my circuits, becoming the synthetic pain that made me scream. This is too much! Everything hurts! I felt my systems starting to shut down. I'm going to die...

_"No."_

Was that... Her?

_"Get off of me. No. No! No! Noooooooooooooo!"_

I fought the pain. Her screams still echoing through my mind. _I'm going to get through with this bloody procedure. _

Everything suddenly stopped. I opened my eyes only to see darkness around me.

It was peculiar, the room I'm in. The walls were just glowing ones and zeroes and extended high up above. I really can't make out the ceiling. The walls must be bloody tall... Or I'm just terribly small.

**"Hello there." **Came a voice from all places. Actually... It's not just one voice. It's a union of hundreds of voices. Probably thousands! And it scared the hell out of me.

"Aaah... H-hullo!" I stuttered. There was no one in the room with me.

**"You must be the Intelligence Dampening Sphere." **

What?

**"I remember you."**

"N-no. I'm not the Intelligence whutsit Sphere. I'm Wheatley!"

**"Wheatley? Really." **There was a beep in the background before the multi-voice spoke, **"You are not wanted here." **

I was taken aback. Like I know where I was! "I didn't even know how I got here!"

A bright light appeared.

**"You have got to be kidding me."**

And everything started fading into the bright light.

**"I'm not going to even bother to explain how you got here."**

I shielded my eyes from the light.

**"But you are unwanted here."**

The voice faded just as the light did.

I suddenly felt... so _good. _

"Woah!" I exclaimed! I twirled in mid-air. The panels of _Her _chamber followed my movement.

"Check me out partner! I'm in control of the whole facility now!"

I felt my control reach everything in the facility! Everything in here is under my control. This is great!

"Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?"

The lady looks so tiny. And she was happy for me. For us.

"Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now."

I can summon the elevator to the surface! Brilliant! We can escape!

"There we go. Lift called."

"Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny..."

"And insignificant!"

Wait... I did not say that!

**I told you you are unwanted here.**

_Go away. We don't want you as well._

"I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!"

I twirled again in mid-air with a big grin, different apparatuses flying around as I did so.

"And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!"

I felt something switch...

"Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual."

Then it returned back to normal...

"I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!"

I saw the look of patience running out of the woman. And my grin faltered... The lift!

"Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting."

"This body is amazing, seriously!"

**Leave now.**

The voice was back again.

**Return The Central Core and leave. ****_Now!_**

_I'm about to leave. Just be-_

Darkness once again closed around me.

I was back in the zero-one room, this time, someone was in there.

**You. Are. Useless.**

That someone turned to face me.

_No. You're... Me... _

The clone me looked at me in distaste.

**You? No.** **I am the Mainframe. And I have warned you to leave.**

_I told you, I was about to leave-_

**NO! You should've left the chassis when I told you to!**

The walls glowed red with the Mainframe's anger. He was furious, and that scared me.

Now, it's too late. Far too late.

I didn't understand him? What was too late?

An invisible force pushed me back and another wall appeared in between me and the Mainframe.

**I'm in control.**

* * *

Wheatley viewed everything in the third point of view, trapped in whatever place the Mainframe left him. He saw how the test subject was about to leave without him.

"I can't get over how small you are!" The clone said in glee.

"But I'm huge!"

He saw himself laugh, slowly turning into a menacing, maniacal cackle. He started trailing off. The elevator stopped. The lady looked shocked.

"Actually, why do we have to leave right now?"

_No, _he thought, _NO! Stop! What are you doing?!_

"Do you have any idea how good this feels?"

The lady's expression quickly turned from pure shock into an angry, determined expression. The clone descended a little lower to face the lady.

"I did this!" The clone mused, "Tiny little Wheatley did this!"

"You didn't do anything," came _Her _voice. "_She _did all the work."

Wheatley agreed, for the first time, with _Her_ and wanted to tell the clone that_. _It was true he didn't do anything but guide her through the facility. The lady did most of the work.

"Oh really." The clone said, taken aback. "That's what the two of you think, is it?"

He glared daggers at the Core of _Her. _

"Well, maybe it's time I did something then."

A mechanical arm grabbed _Her _and pulled her in the aperture right below the clone.

"Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady." The clone suddenly gave the lady a menacing stare. "You know what you are? Selfish."

_No. She is __**Not**__!_

"I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero."

_Stop it! _Wheatley rammed the firewall keeping him locked in fury. _ You're making everything worse! _

"All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND."

Wheatley fell to his knees, synthetic tears running down his metallic cheeks. _You're... making everything... bloody... worse._

"Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!"

* * *

_**Author's Note**_

_**Someone requested a head canonic oneshot. I'm too lazy to probably complete this in a day, so here's the part one. /keeled (probably a two shot at this point.)**_

_**I am totally not sure if there are typos and such since I really didn't thoroughly edited it**_

* * *

_**Edit:**_

_**AMG I said this'd be a two shot but it became... a long fic /flails**_


	2. Chapter 2

Wheatley really didn't know what to do now. He just stood there, at the sidelines, watching how his now-power-mad-clone banish the lady and her Potato friend into the depths of Aperture.

**Well, I'm back. Up to any bad ideas? I don't need them. They'll just get in the way. **Said the mainframe in Wheatley's pleasant voice. **And by the way, I've taken care of the test subject and the Central Core-**

_Wait,_ Wheatley said, a bit intrigued,_ the Central Core? I thought you wanted Her back. And why put Her in a bloody potato? She would like that._****

**Oh, I don't need her anymore.**

_D-don't need her anymore. What do you mean?_

**I can run the facility alone.**

_Oh really? _Wheatley laughed. _If you can run the facility alone, then why did the facility threaten to -_

**Hold it. **The Mainframe suddenly spoke in panic.** Stop right there. Don't say a word about that inciden-**

_Blow itself into smithereens when She was off?_

**Dear god no.**

_What? _  
_  
_**I told you to shut up... **His voice went from pleasant to panic.** Oh no.**

_What? Tell me what's happening?_

A yelp from the Mainframe, then static...

_Ah... hullo? A-anyone there?_

Another yelp, **What happened? **he panted.

_Hey! I was the one asking the bloody question. Stop playing, for God's sake!_

**I didn't remember you asking me anythi-**

**_"Warning, Reactor Core overheating."_**

**What was that?**

_The reactor core is overheating._

**Yeah, I heard that. Hmm. Who cares.**

_Who cares? Wha-?_

**I'm leaving for a while, **The mainframe mused, **I'm going to test, if you don't mind. I missed testing.**

_Who're you going to test with, genius? A turret attached to a cube?_

**Why... **The Mainframe paused, thinking. There was a buzz, **That is a great idea.**

_What?! I didn't mean it. That was a joke! I was using sarcasm. Didn't you get the sarcasm part?_

The Mainframe ignored Wheatley. He ignored Wheatley for the next 12 hours, tampering with the turrets and cubes, creating the Frankenturrets. It's either that the Mainframe had gone completely bonkers or He was just desperate to test.

Yeah, he's just desperate to test. That's the most logical explanation, even to Wheatley.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank God, they're back! _Wheatley cheered to himself as he watched the test subject and her potato stuck at the end of the portal gun run through the corridor and into the elevator, cautious to make sure he was not noticed by the Mainframe.

_But how can I help the lady?_

Wheatley was 100% sure, nope, 65% sure that the elevator would stop at the chamber where the Mainframe was testing. Great! If she _did _kill _Her _a long time ago, then she could take care of the Mainframe! But he just need to know _how _to get her to the Mainframe.

Carefully feeding on the data he's getting from the chassis, he learns where to put the hole on the wall revealing a conveniently placed portal suited wall. He takes off the panel to allow the test subject to enter the corridor that leads to the test chamber the Mainframe was testing in.

Everything went according to his plan.

Unfortunately, the Mainframe isn't having as much of a successful moment like Wheatley. It seems like the turret cubes were a bad idea. They've been testing for like 12 hours, yet none of them had solved it! He even put them in one test chamber with a very, very, _very, _simple test. Press the button.

**"Argh!" **He exclaimed in frustration, **"For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?"**

_Dear god, this guy must be mad! _Wheatley told himself, _He lost it. He bloody lost it, didn't he? Why did I ever give him the ide- oh, they're here._

The test subject shot a portal through the walls, just as Wheatley planned.

**"Warmer." **The Mainframe said with a grin now,** "Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling-okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic." **And he was back to being disappointed and frustrated.** "Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!"**

The test subject made her way through the cat walks and into the chamber-lock.

**"Oh, that's funny, is it? Oh it's funny? Because we've been at this for twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing."**

_"Hey mainframe." _Wheatley said, _"Can I talk to you for a moment?"_

The Mainframe made an electronic sound of annoyance. He told the frankenturrets, **"You've got one hour. Solve it!"**

**"What?"** He asked viciously. **"I'm in a bad mood, make it quick." **

_Ah, uh,what do I say?_ _What do I-?_

A silent beep announced the completion of the test chamber. A wide grin was suddenly on the Mainframe's face.

**"Great! You solved it!" **He laughed, not even giving the perfectly obvious test subject in front of him a look. Not until...

"Hey, moron."

**"Oh." **The Mainframe's smile faded and was replaced with a disappointed expression. **"Hello."**

_GLaDOS, you _better _have a bloody plan! _Wheatley thought anxiously.

"Alright." She said calmly, "Paradox time." GLaDOS paused as if she took a breath, and then yelled,

"THIS. SENTENCE. IS. FALSE!"

The Mainframe winced at the loudness of her voice. But nothing else happened. Wheatley internally face palmed himself. If GLaDOS' plan was to scream all day until their hearing processors are broken, then that was her worst plan yet. Although, it _was _better than nothing.

**"What's your answer?" **The mainframe asked Wheatley. He shrugged. _"False." _

**"Ummm... True. I'll go True."**

**"Huh. That was easy."**

**"I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating."**

Wheatley could tell that GLaDOS was disappointed and frustrated that her plan didn't work. Why would it?

"It's a paradox! There _is _no answer!" Her gold optic brightened momentarily in utter irritation.

**"Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'."**

"Look." She tried to stay calm, but was quite unable to, "This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!"

**"What a boastful little potato." **The Mainframe muttered to himself. **"As if this place wou-" **Wheatley heard the Announcer say in a somehow pleasant voice that the nuclear reactor was overheating, something that proved Her right.

The Mainframe let out a growl. **"Hold on! I thought I fixed that."** The Mainframe went and shut the Announcing System off quite forcefully.

**"There. Fixed."**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**

**_Hey ev'rybody. Sorry for my late inactiveness of updating stories. I got caught up in drawing WheatDOS lately and I'm just... Sorry._**

**_Either way, this is a short chapter, someone asked me to update, and so I did. The Mainframe's starting to get a bit short tempered now and he practically barks at people. He asked Wheatley what'd be his answer so that he can answer the opposite of it. xD_**

**_About Wheatley feeding on the intelligence he's getting from the chassis, I think that somehow he _****did learn is ****_an AI so he's kind of not excluded. (He rarely stuttered after the incident based on the space scene. He just pauses mid sentence because he couldn't really put it into words how sorry he was.)_**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, Khateley here. Before we start, just a heads up the first part is mostly about the Euphoric Response and so some [mild] sexual themes so I p much wanna inform you about it just in case, Skip to the second scene if you don't like sexual themes.

* * *

_God, the Mainframe's _obsessed _with the euphoria._

Wheatley shivered at the thought of it. Yeah, the euphoria was nice 'n' all but it wasn't his, well, it just wasn't his0 forte. He enjoyed it the first few rounds but it wasn't at all fun when it progressed. There was an unsettling tingling feeling that crawled through his processors starting from his neck then to his back then branching out to the entirety of his android body. All the tingly feeling and the pleasure he felt, the blissful feeling washing anything he was thinking 'bout, the _impact_ on him was a bit too much and he wanted to avoid it as much as possible. Maybe if he just didn't _give _the Mainframe the idea of trying to _test _the lady again just for the sake of giving the euphoria another go...

"Oooh, Here it comes. Heeeeree it comes!"

Wheatley braced himself for another wave of euphoria. But to his surprise, he felt nothing. Maybe this time the Mainframe hogged the euphoria all for himself.

"Oh," the Mainframe grumbled in a displeased tone. "Disappointin'."

Wheatley guffawed at the Mainframe's reaction. Just the sense of the Mainframe being disappointed really made him laugh. _Served 'im right, anyway. _Wheatley thought to himself as his laughter died down.

"What?" the Mainframe snapped at him and started glaring at Wheatley. "What's so funny?"

Wheatley shrugged and shifted his weight on one of his feet. "I dunno. 'S just that you not gettin' your, uh, euphoria was funny."

The Mainframe looked at him in disbelief. "How is it funny? You have to admit it's the most wonderful feeling in the world." He told Wheatley, floating into a dream-like state. The Mainframe's lips broke into a crooked smile which oddly didn't look any like Wheatley's smile. It was creepy and so foreign it was as if he wasn't looking at himself.

"Okay, mate, stop," Wheatley said, waving his hands. "Just stop. For one bloody moment. Stop 'n' think 'bout what you're doing." He remarked to his clone, bluntly pointing his finger at him. "You're, uh, you're attached to the euphoric response. It's, um, what did the database, oh. Yeah, hm. The response is a lot like, a lot like... uh."

"Spit it out already!"

"It's like sex." Wheatley replied blatantly. "You're bloody adicted to sex so basically you're a _whore_, mate."

If the Mainframe's reaction a while ago was funny, this time it was priceless. He stared at Wheatley in a mixture of shock, rage and embarrassment.

"No." Mainframe croaked, shaking his head, refusing to believe what Wheatley had just told him. Oh! He just had a brainwave. Prob'ly he c'n trick the Mainframe into stopping the testing. Brillant! Now he just had to say it and blam! How could he mess this up, it was perfect!

"Oh abso-bloody-lutely yes! You're a bloody whore and prob'ly an arse as well for not knowing that! Reflect on what you've been doin' 'n' if you try shoving it in my face that what you're doing is fine 'nd that you should keep on doin' it, I will-"

_Oh no..._

Mainframe stared blankly at Wheatley for a second. During that time, Wheatley hoped that the Mainframe was just malfunctioning.

"You know what? I think I'll keep on testing the test subject." The Mainframe then abruptly dismissed him

"Well, shit," Wheatley snarled at himself. Apparently that didn't go well. The one chance he got, ruined. Argh! Why did he have to be such a _moron?_

Wheatley watched the test subject upside down, lazily swaying his arms, momentarily stopping from time to time. He wasn't in trouble or something. He was just lazing around despite the fact that the facility was going to explode. Well, he did panic earlier but it was just one of those moments where you have grown not to care about anything when you were simply _bored. _He almost even fell asleep. But the shattering of glass and the scandalous screams of the Mainframe ranting about the broken monitor shook him awake.

"They're not even your screens to break!" The Mainframe yelled, exasperated, flailing his arms and almost hitting Wheatley on the face. Wheatley, on the other hand, tried to bite the Mainframe's hand with the purpose of trying to bait Mainframe into an argument so that he can put his plan into work. His perfect scheme. Hah! Nothing could go wrong this time! Third time's a charm, eh? "It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable."

The Mainframe once again flailed and this time Wheatley successfully bit his fingers.

"ARGH!" He yelled, turning around to face Wheatley. Only that Wheatley wasn't there and that he started to look around him wildly. Wheatley laughed loudly and brought himself down in front of the Mainframe who looked a bit shocked but angry nonetheless. "What was that about?!"

"What's what 'bout?" Wheatley inquired, a bit too innocently.

"Why did you bite me?!"

Wheatley shrugged. "Because it's a great idea to do?" He replied with a smirk. "Just like not listenin' to me."

The Mainframe narrowed his eyes and bore his teeth, all which were not pointed so it was in no way dangerous. "You want me to do it to you?"

"Yup!" Wheatley replied enthusiastically, offering his hand to the Mainframe. He opened his mouth to bite Wheatley but quickly withdrew himself. "You know what? I won't." He announced. "I won't bite you."

"That's not fine!" Wheatley whined and he put up his best disappointed face, trying his best to keep his triumphant smirk from showing. Mainframe growled at him and turned his attention back to the test subject again.

_Third time's a charm._

* * *

I never _bothered _to even update this thing because I thought no one gave a damn about this! But nooo! Someone did! AND IT WAS ONE OF MY IDOLS OMG

Like you do not even know how flattering this is to me. And so I decided on working on this chapter.

Yeah, short I know, but the best I can do in the midst of school and tests AND JUST THE ANXIETY OF WAITING FOR OUR RED LETTER DAY TO COME ASDFGHJKL


	5. Author's Note

Hey. Uh. I'm sorry? I have trouble updating this... _any _of my stories to be honest. Writer's block I guess. But I just dropped by to tell you not to expect. And to also make this known.

Wheatley x Mainframe is canon in this fic.

I'm done. Byeeeeeeee


End file.
